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*you can feel sexy in whatever you want, this is just what tickles my jimmies
The path to nudity can be a long one. It wasn’t until about two years ago, when I was 17, that I publicly wore a bikini for the first time. When I was a little kid I wore them, but I stopped when I realized that they weren’t meant for little fat girls. One of the ways that I define confidence is that you can wear whatever you want and feel good. Well, I wanted to wear a bikini dammit, they’re just so . But, I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to wear a bikini, it was a years-long process. This may seem ridiculous, like just fucking wear it, but I couldn’t. Wearing something as exposing as a two-piece meant that I was putting my body out there to be judged, with as little protection as possible. Even though I wanted to wear one and loved the look, I mentally wasn’t ready for it.
It took me a while to come to the realization that I can dress my body how I want to and that the people who matter will support my choices. I also had to stop being so afraid of what people would say or think, cause the truth is most people don’t actively care. Almost all the girls at my high school were thin and I didn’t want to be seen as a worse version of what they were. That was my own internalized fatphobia and fear. It wasn’t until I saw Charlotte (the creator of this amazing blog) wearing a two-piece swimsuit that I started to let go. It was her first year and my sophomore year, yet I’d never seen another plus-size woman so effortlessly be herself in that space before. It gave me the courage to continue on my own journey of swimsuitery. So, without even realizing it I began shifting towards the nudity I craved.
For most of my youth, I wore the classic tankini/one piece and shorts. Very practical if you think about it, from play to swim, it’s got you covered. Sucks to tan in tho.
Me and my Blob Family!
At the end of my sophomore year, I evolved to the sports bra & shorts look. Not gonna lie, I actually love this one. Sometimes I wanna not have to put shorts on when I leave a body of water and continue my day. Plus, this one is great for the gym workout that ends in a swim. But not the best for a good tan. Also good for family events.
Finally, the holy grail was found. The summer before my senior year I found that a high waisted bikini bottom and a cute swim bra makes them curvezzz poppp. It’s amazing how comfortable wearing almost no clothes can be once you stop giving a shit about what other people think. I actually got the bottoms in this pic from a donation box at school, cause I honestly didn’t even know where to buy plus size high waisted bottoms back in 2017. Although I never wore a two-piece during my time at boarding school, I did ditch the shorts during senior year and stuck with the one piece. Eh, I don’t regret that because I wasn’t ready for it.
both these pieces were thrifted FYI #secondhandfirst
Now, this bitch looks amazing for every water related adventure. My first year of college started with a 3-day camping trip to the beach and I wore every fucking bikini I had. That was how I wanted to start a new chapter in my life. This year I finally posted my first swimsuit pic to Insta, which felt like the start of a new era. Of course, I’m not the epitome of self-confidence, I still cover up and readjust and tuck away, but I’m human so fuck off. I’m also working on not judging myself when I don’t want to show a lot of skin.
Even though it’s winter in the Northeast, it’s never too early to start thinking of the summer. If you don’t already have a swimsuit, hit up your local thrift store or plus-sized
friend. If you wanna buy I recommend Aerie, Marshalls, or Target (sizes range to 3x)- it’s where I get my suits! All in all, try to remember that self-acceptance and self-confidence are lifelong journeys. It takes time to find what we like to wear, and that constantly changes. Give yourself the patience and love to get there at your own pace.